Carl Pittman And The Seven Dwarfs

March 27, 2012 6:00 am 0 comments

I offer to you (and look forward to your feedback) the following tale, simply an adaptation of the Disney classic “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs”(Walt Disney, 1937), a touch of humor, in the spirit of Ronald Reagan, who often used humor to make his points, as when he quipped  at a White House Correspondents dinner, joking about his advanced age, “’I’ve been around so long, I can remember when a hot story broke and reporters would run in yelling ‘Stop the chisels.’” And, “It was easier to run for president when I was a boy. Back then there were only 13 states.”

Although not all elements of this allegory map to the original story, there are significant elements of this fairy tale that I find amusing and useful to explain why Carl Pittman is the very best candidate for the office of Sheriff of Harris County.

In my version of this tale, the wicked queen is Adrian Garcia.  His corruption and incompetence is hurting the good people in the glorious County of Harris, and he has attempted to cast a spell of corruption and incompetence over the entire sheriff’s office.  Instead of having evil, ugly sisters, we have the seven dwarfs(lesser, dwarfish, candidates in the sheriff’s race), but they don’t help our hero, Carl Pittman, they have done their best to confuse the people, and have competed for the affections of the good Republican primary voters in the County of Harris.

Unfortunately, some of the good citizens in this land have a misunderstanding of the Republican primary process, and have been lulled into a death-like trance of apathy, complacency, and a state of perpetual sleep, not vetting the candidates, not seeking the truth about the candidates in this race, not taking time to get to know the candidates, relying far too much on what others say about the candidates, and not realizing the stakes and consequences of not vetting candidates thoroughly  or choosing the wrong candidate to do battle against the wicked and incompetent Garcia in the fall election.

“Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who’s the best, most qualified, candidate of them all?”

This is the question that all of us, who will be participating in the upcoming Republican primary, should be asking.

In our story, the handsome prince, Carl Pittman, saves the day by being willing to serve the citizens of Harris County, breaking the spell, the evil Adrian Garcia has cast over them, and bringing back accountability, integrity, competence, and technological advancement, to the office of Harris County Sheriff.

Among Carl Pittman’s qualifications, (the magic potion that Carl brings to help wake up the County of Harris and take it back from the evil Garcia) are:

  • Marine Corps. Service, serving his country sacrificially
  • Law enforcement service that stands as a foundation for the strategy he has for managing the Harris County sheriff’s office
  • Business experience that will focus on reigning in the budget, while placing more officers on the streets
  • Committed to upholding the immigration laws, not currently being fully enforced
  • The confidence and endorsement of Joe Arpaio, along with more endorsements from Republican Party activists than those of all the other dwarfish candidates, combined

As we take a closer look at Carl’s opponents, below you will find the names of the dwarfs, as listed in the original animated Disney feature:

  • Doc
  • Grumpy
  • Happy
  • Sleepy
  • Bashful
  • Sneezy
  • Dopey

Carl’s opponents in the race for sheriff have several qualities and mannerisms consistent with the names of the dwarfs listed above. Some are rather dopey, some bashful, there is a doc (is a dentist close enough?) and a particular candidate that certainly was grumpy, when his wife took her dwarf mobile to the car wash.

Shamefully, many of the dwarfish candidates have worked hand in hand with the evil king Garcia to oppose Carl, by spreading a noxious fog of innuendo, lies, and rumors, thus betraying the very trust they are seeking to earn, and so causing the good people of the county of Harris to grow sleepy, not focusing their attention, nor placing appropriate priority on the sheriff’s race.

All joking aside, Carl’s opponents are all very likable individuals, but we aren’t conducting a likability contest on May 29th..  We must find the very best, most qualified candidate for the job of sheriff of Harris County.  We need safer streets, a sheriff willing to enforce the immigration laws, and a sheriff who will be looking out for your best interests, instead of the interests of his friends, when it comes to keeping Harris County safe.

Just as shining the light of truth dispels the shadows of darkness, I urge you to contact Carl, should you have any questions regarding his candidacy, and when it comes time to vote, go to the bottom of the ballot in the sheriff’s race, and vote for Carl Pittman, for  sheriff of Harris County!  I cannot promise that you will live happily ever after, but I can promise you that Carl Pittman will manage the Harris County Sheriff’s office in a way that will make the land of Harris County a safer place for you and your family!

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